The Gospel According to Saint Podge

This story was created by Leon. It is merely fictional and for entertainment purposes only. No reproduction or redistribution of any part of the story is allowed in any form.

In the beginning, there was Word. And the Word was Coke. And it was good.

Yet one day, God did look upon his garden, and He saw Coke and Coke was sad, and He asked Coke, “why for thou art sad? Is there not enough … glasses of plenty?” And Coke replied, “verily Lord, this is a kitchen of most wondrous delight. But there is no one to share this kitchen with me.” And thus God spake, “let there be Man.” And behold! There was Man and God spake again, “behold, this is Man, and he shall be your companion. And he shall drink of you and you two shall be blessed in eternal union.” And Coke was happy.

But there was those who weren’t pleased with the word of God. Thus the serpent whispered into the Man’s ear, “why thou partake in Coke and Coke alone? Yonder stand the Vending Machine of Knowledge. Choose from thy selection others so that you may know of others besides Coke.” And so Man made his selection and it was Pepsi. And he drank of Pepsi and knowledge came to him and he was ashamed.
And God wandered to the kitchen and Man tried to hide from his shame. And God asked him, “why dost thou hidst from me?” And Man replied, “my Lord, I am ashamed for I have partaken from the Vending Machine of Knowledge.” And God was wroth and said to him, “I have made Coke to be your only companion. Get thee gone from this kitchen to the earth below and bring your accursed Pepsi with you.” And so Man was left to wander around on earth with Pepsi to keep him company, and Coke was alone once more. So God said to Coke, “fear not. I shall create another companion, a woman. And that she will appreciate you and belong to the kitchen anyway.” And behold! There was Woman. And Coke and Woman became companion thereafter.

But Woman was afraid of her figure and said to God, “my Lord, there are too many calories in Coke.” And God spake, “it shall be.” And Coke Light was born. But Woman still said, “no, still too many calories.” So God spoke, “let there be Coke Zero. Beat that.” And Woman said, “it’s good, but what I need is a little flavour.” So God spake, “let there be Coke Lemon.” Then Woman spoke, “aah, you put the calories back in.” So God spake, “fine. Let there be Coke Light with lemon.” And Woman said, “that’s great. But know what’s even greater? Something with ice cream on it.” And God spoke, “I’ve had it! Take you Vanilla Coke and get you gone!” And Woman left with all the Cokes.

And after many years of travel and searching, Man, Woman, Coke and Pepsi were finally reunited but Pepsi never forget that God preferred Coke over it and Coke never forgave Pepsi for getting Man kicked out in the first place. And so the hatred between these two tribes continue to this day.