This entry is full of nonsensical things. Read at your own risk.

Think of your last two kisses, were they with the same person? = yep! ๐Ÿ˜›
Do you get scared easily? = sometimes.
What are the chances of you getting the person you like? = *looks at Leon* he’s with me now.
Do you think you’ll have the same best friends a year from now? = uhh..I don’t have bestfriends.
Who is someone who can always make you laugh, even on a bad day? = Leon, if he makes those funny faces.
If you ended up in jail, who would be most likely to end up in there with you? = I don’t know.
Are you weak or strong? = strong outside, fragile inside ๐Ÿ™
Do you have any friends who’s parents will no longer let them hang out with you? = I have no idea.
Do you really, truly miss someone right now? = yes.
Is it awkward when you run into your cousins? = only when I run into my cousins on my dad’s side.
Do you ever wanna know who you’re going to marry? = yeah.
Who are the third and eighteenth texts in your phone from? = third: Leon. Eighteenth: Leon (again!). LOL.
Who is your favourite band? = none.
Ever slept in a different bed besides your own? = o yeah.
What is one emotion you are feeling right now? = bored.
Who did you hang out with last night? = nobody.
What are you currently doing? = typing this up.
Have you told anybody you loved them today? = yes.
Any plans for tomorrow? = yes, and a bleeding stupid one too.
What’s the last thing you ate? = chicken wings, yummy! ๐Ÿ™‚
Do you find the opposite sex confusing? = I do.
Can you sleep without blankets covering you? = hell, no. I need my security blanket. Lol. ๐Ÿ˜›
Will your next kiss be a mistake? = I hope not.
Are you a forgiving person? = it depends on the situation.
What ticks you off the most? = stupid people.
What is your relationship status? = taken by Leon.
Do you believe love lasts forever? = yeah.
What is the closest thing to you that is blue? = my pillow.
How old do you want to be when you die? err… must I answer this question?
Do you believe what goes around comes around? = definitely yes.
Is there anyone holding a grudge against you? = maybe. Probably that’s why my other site got hacked the other day.
Are you listening to music right now? = naah.
Have you kissed anyone in the past month? = yes.
What are your initials? = N.A.K.
Would you date someone 20 years older than you? = I had. Once. Big mistake. He was a jerk. ๐Ÿ˜ก
How’s your heart lately? = beating nicely.
Are you wearing any jewelery right now? = yeah, my silver ring.
Do you have any piercings? = ears, and ears only.
Next piercing your getting? = no way.
Will you talk to the person you like tonight? = I hope so. If he ain’t busy tonight.
Any summer plans for 2009/2010? = not yet.
How long can you go without your phone? = err… 5 seconds?? ๐Ÿ™‚
Do you have a bad temper? = yes yes yes.
Do you believe that there’s good in everybody? = yeah.
Anything you’re currently looking forward to? = spending time with Leon again.
Who was the last person to make you laugh? = my sister.
Look in your inbox in your phone, who are all the people you have texts from? = Leon. Just him. Really.
Are you happy? = now? Yeah. No. Maybe. I can’t decide.
Have you ever kissed anyone who’s name started with a C, D, J, N, T? C – no. D – no. J – no. N – no. T – no. HAHAHA!!
Do you prefer warm or cold? = warm. I can’t stand cold.
What is one thing you can’t sleep without? = my pillow (and blanket!).
Is there anyone that you care more about than yourself? = yes.
Do you have trust issues? = I don’t know.
Do you get along better with guys or girls? = I get along with both.
Would you kiss someone to make your bf/gf mad? = I may be not the brightest person on the planet but I ain’t that stupid either.
Think back to the last person you kissed, how many times have you cried in front of them? = countless.
Ever thrown up in a car? = no.
Is anyone over protective of you? = yeah. My parents.
Are you friends with the last person you kissed? Umm… I am friends with my dad…?
Your enemy is at your doorstep begging for forgiveness, what would you do? = open the door and slam it on his/her face. ๐Ÿ˜‰
Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? = I hope so.
Have you ever made someone so mad that they broke something? = I can’t remember.
Could you last in a relationship for 3 months? = yes, definitely.

ALERT: the rest of the post would be full of depressing rambles. Bear with me, even if it is just for one paragraph.

Lately I have been feeling so insecure about my relationship with Leon. I keep on having these wild ideas that he no longer cares about me the same way he did 2 years ago… I don’t know why. ๐Ÿ˜ฅ And I don’t know how many times I’ve cried myself to sleep because of this. I’m sick of guys cheating on me. I’m sick of listening to empty promises. And I’m sick of this fucking life.
I swear I fucking hate this feeling. Life is difficult enough for me without these kind of things piling up on my shoulders.

Once in a while I think the world is such a cruel place. Cruel in the way how everything turns their backs on me. And at times, I seriously considered killing every single soul on the planet, had God given me the choice to do so. But maybe I’ll spare a couple of nice people, like my online friends.

My God, I need a therapy, or a counselor. Or both. Or maybe a gun.

Had I posted this entry a few days ago, the above paragraphs would have dominated the whole page. Luckily I decided to wait for a few more days. Good thing I did! Lulz, who would read such a depressing post?


  1. Dorine

    Well,for one thing,I really think that you shouldn’t use such vulgarities like “**ck”.It’s bad for children like me ๐Ÿ™‚ Anyway,welcome back after one week!

  2. Heyyy. I actually stopped by because I liked your other layout, and was wondering if you changed it – and you did! I like this one too, haha. ๐Ÿ˜€

    Keep your chin up ๐Ÿ™‚ Here’s to hoping things work out, even if not immediately – but sometime soon.

  3. Lizz

    Oh come on, everyone loves a good rant/depression/I’mgoingtokillmyselfandeveryonearoundme blog. ๐Ÿ˜€ just kidding though, have you talked to Leon about it? That might help with the insecurities, and if you can tell what he’s mouthing is fake, well, then that’s a problem! Either way, hope you feel better about it all.

  4. Oh, dear… do I get to be one of the people that survives?

    I hope those depressing thoughts of yours went away. ๐Ÿ™

    Aw, thanks for the hug! *huggles back*

    …I would cry if Sophia got run over, even though I’ve known her for less than a week. ๐Ÿ˜› Maybe I’m too emotional.

  5. Syahadah

    Hey ๐Ÿ˜€ If i’m not wrong, in slashforums, you said you don’t have paypal, then how you buy domain? *confused*

  6. Syahadah

    ohh… I wish i can do that too ๐Ÿ™
    Okay now I understand about the file permission thing ๐Ÿ˜€ thanks!

  7. awe babe. i’m so sorry that you feel that way, i hope you start feeling happy again soon! i’m sure he still feels the same and cares for you just as much, if not more. ๐Ÿ™‚

  8. Syahadah

    They have one i think, but i don’t have an bank acc. My sister have one but she wouldn’t let me borrow one ๐Ÿ™

  9. Yes, you most definitely read it right. Ha ha, makes me smile so much to say that we are a couple. like :mrgreen: lol and :oops:.

    I’m glad you and Leon worked things out. That makes me happy too.

    Thanks so much sweetheart. ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m so happy. lol

  10. one random thing: YOUR E-MAIL ADDRESS IS SO CUTE!!! kitty purrs. awwww. ^_^.
    If you ended up in jail, who would be most likely to end up in there with you? sabbing someone who annoys me and i have to FORCEFULLY spend 4 hours every weekday with him, i.e my best friend.
    What are you currently doing?: i think this question is stupid, what else could you be doing?
    HELL GIRL. ๐Ÿ™‚ and i thought edward cullen was lovingly obsessed with bella, but you and leon are something else ^_^ that’s so sweet. i cant stand boys, not right now
    oh. ( i just read the rest of the blog. im commenting as i read along. otherwise i forget, and i like your blogs ๐Ÿ™‚ )
    i think leon just feels comfortable with you and he doesn’t feel the need to express his love to you that often anymore, we girls feel the need to be payed attention to by our men, but i doubt there is any way what-so-ever for him to understand that. maybe he’s busy. if hes going to uni, maybe that’s stressing him out too. im sure its just water under the bridge.
    tell me none of this is making sense, if i’ve learnt anything from the TWO relationships i have ever been in is a) 15 year old boys are not much on the conversations front and b) give them space.

  11. You’re too sweet. ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks!

    It hasn’t started yet. In fact, sign-ups only started yesterday. ๐Ÿ™„

    The fast internet connection is the best part. XD The only bad thing about it is that I get distracted… I meant to go to bed half an hour ago so I could talk to Gordon for a longer period of time (I always talk to him forever when I’m in bed getting ready to go to sleep), but I don’t know if that will happen. ๐Ÿ˜ณ I can sleep in later here than I can at home, but I guess I feel guilty about sleeping in later. ๐Ÿ˜

  12. Gel

    Sorry about you and your depressed state, I know how it feels like to experience that… but what’s more important is that you’re still together with your boyfriend and you’re able to communicate with him about your real feelings inside your heart. He should know about that coz apparently you need assurance at this point that he cares for you and all…

  13. thanks babe. that means a lot to me. ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. Leon

      Smart girl. Kitty, pay attention to this one. ๐Ÿ˜Ž

  14. Okay! I’m sure I’ll plug it into a blog. XD I don’t think it’s for another 2-4 weeks, though.

  15. I love those types of quizes, I must admit that I haven’t read all of them, but you’ve dated someone 20 years older than you? How old were you at the time? And trust me, I’m not judging.

    I hope everything is going better with Leon at the moment. I’m sure he cares for you as much as you do for him. All your stories from your blogs seem to indicate that he’s a really nice guy (AND totally into you!) so don’t worry. Just have fun and if you’re still worried about it in a week why don’t you talk to him?

    = = = = =

    I KNOW, RIGHT?! So ironic that I post a blog ranting about what horrible people dentists are… and then one of my flatmates turns out to be studying to be a dentist!! Hahahahhaha… weird.

    Thanks for the birthday wishes.

    And yeah… it’s terrible to see your parents cry… it moves you in a way nothing else can, you know?

  16. I love these things. They are informative!
    I had a councilor, and it was pretty cool. I’m not entirely sure if it was worth it, but it made me feel better about myself.. Maybe it would help you, too?
    Pretty much all my therapist said for me to do was to “just forget about everything that isn’t going on RIGHT NOW.” and “shrug it off, it will relieve stress if you put off thinking about it.”

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